so the morning of the christmas part. not to mention the last day of going to school til the christmas break.

we have a party on the afternoon. i guess a day going online wouldn't be so bad?

oh but it was bad. so let's see.

talking to mr. x happy at first. then sad at the end?

how could a romance movie end up having such a bad ending?

it's like seeing a twist to romeo and juliet. romeo dies and juliet ends with paris.

better yet my twist is way way worse than that.

romeo tells juliet to like paris.

omfg. how could that happen?

i know. and it just gets worse.

could it? omfg. my life is so horrible.

after that, a friend of mine made the situation worse by becoming a backstabber?

nice friend. and you were supposed to be on my side. or even if you weren't at least nuetral. and you tell me it's my fault. wow. thanks for rubbing it in.

sad. sad. ending.

then of course, as every director wants. everything suddenly has a twist.

as i was writing this blog, he said sorry. romeo said sorry. how....twistful.

he said that everything should go back to normal. and that they were friends already. and that everything has been forgotten.

i doubt that things will ever be normal.

goodbye mr. x

so. as the week starts to end, i finally tell reese who mr. X.

and trisha is very problematic right now.

she has social issues as of the moment. and it feels like her world is just gonna crash down on her.

of course, there isn't any way that she could avoid this.

after all...being unfriendly to some people? or some person...is ver inevitable.

i mean. the party's over. sure. but for one thing, i've hurt them/him/her. haha. i won't tell.

so...i'm not sure how to approach them/him/her. maybe that person is mad. maybe irritated?

one thing's for sure. they knew it. and we were caught. uninvited.

--------------------

now, to ease the pain of every little thing crashing down on me. i look for mr. X

sure, sure. he's like i dunno. going steady? with the girl. i dunno. and i don't care. :)

all i know, he's happy and maybe i'm just waiting for the day they'll break up? >:)

evil, evil scheme. but true. waiting helps. and i'm not stopping now.

sure you'd think they might not break up but as the title suggests, i think i'm going fatal on this one...so....there's no point in stopping now.

plus, this is different from the jacob thing. is it stronger? i'm not sure. but all i know. i'm happy. :]

i am a big fan of the what if question. and my what if is...

what if...last year had been different. what if i still had zack?

awful this year is i tell you. first, i lose zack.

next, i get this awful feeling that there's a weird guy in a my past. XD *will keep this very vague*

then, i get in a fight with these teenee bit of a people.

later on, i have to worry about a party i'm throwing.

next thing you know, everything falls apart.

i assure you. if i had zack, none of these would even matter. but as i realize that every little thing that i had has fallen apart, i crash down to pieces. 'cause the what if question has gotten to the very last of my nerves.

and oh yeah. i still love you. and no, that doesn't mean i don't like mr. X. and one more thing? yes, hate has gotten the better side of me..

well, when i become cold towards a person, i mean it. i have stopped blogging about such blasphemous and very very mean things. so i'll keep this post polite, mannerly and civil.

so one day, you have fun. then as time passes by. and that certain person keeps doing that very same thing that you hate. it gets annoying. as patient as i tried, it was hard to not feel mad about that.

so you know who you are. i know maybe you're not sure if you have offended me. to you it may be something so teenee bit small. but, i really got pissed. so stay away please?

and no. stop asking that question. 'cause you're no longer invited..

again. this is a general precaution. to as many people as i want. it's a vague description. :

maybe i'm remembering zack too much these days. maybe missing him too much. maybe i've been too apart from mr. X that my wondering mind has given time to locked away thoughts.

the day i vowed to be the valedictorian, i put a safe refuge of his memory in my brain. somewhere deep down in there. where i won't remember him. at least for a year.

but somehow, when my mind lingers for too long. his memory escapes and i crumble to pieces again.

i read dead stars today. as a requirement for our english class. i was intrigued by the title. i was reading eclipse by the way and was bothered that i had to stop just to read this.

but as i kept reading, had i actually related to this short story? had i actually remembered my old life? when i was young and...free? when i was happy? when i was with zack. yes. that memory escaped once again and i struggled to keep reading the book without remembering zack's phone number. the last memory of him. before....goodbye.

so as i read. here are some lines that struck me.

"did you ever have to choose between something you wanted to do and something you had to do?"

"i--i have to say goodbye."

"but there is a point where a thing escapes us and rushes downward of its own weight, dragging us along. Then it is foolish to ask whether one will or will not, because it no longer depends on him."

"she had not changed much....yet--something had gone. he missed it."

"what had she lost? or was the loss his?"

"so that was all over."

"and now, mere actuality had robbed him of the dream."

"so all these years--since when? --he had been seeing the light of dead stars, long extinguished, yet seemingly still in their appointed places in the heavens."

this post is going to be REALLY LONG so for those who got tired. reading the quotes and stuff, this'll go pretty long 'cause as long as zack's memory lingers in my mind, there might be no end to this post. not much to go onto anyway so you may stop now. however, i will not stop blogging, though no one might read about what i remember from this romance found in such a simple story.


for those of you who decided to go on, here i go.

the story starts with a man who is engaged.i'll go for a summary. a part maybe wherein i can relate.

he suddenly falls in love with this girl. then she had to go. she said GOODBYE. a word that hurts too much. maybe if i said this word again to zack for the most casual of reasons, it might mean something different....

he followed the girl after a few years 'cause the girl went to her hometown. when he saw her again, she looked almost the same. a little different though. but there was something missing.

and the guy knew it. he was no longer in love with her.

the same way i feel about zack now. the time not spent with each other should've let the flame burn more. but no, i can no longer find the same light i saw in him before. i can no longer see the old zack before. my zack. the zack who made me happy. the zack who seemed like my personal sun. the first time the sun appears without any rain.

he was the only one who had ever made me feel this way. and it was longer than i thought it'd last. 2...3 years? not sure. and maybe i don't want to remember. it just hurts too much. i might let his memory loose for too long.

as i end this post. i want to emphasize.

is there a world where gardens of faded love bloom again? 'cause i wanna remember how it felt like when we were in love.

i really want to remember those days. even in just my dreams. 'cause now our love is like a dead star.

so two of my favorite people to talk to are here: tom and alice

and of course, one of my friends from the other sections: mikha.

so today, we had a math training and i was with them. it was so fun just from the start.

first. the tricycle issue. so i have problems crossing the street :))

imagine a tricycle that is at a stop. then i was afraid to pass in front of it. i passed at the back and the driver laughed. tom, to save me from humiliation. just followed me. *lafftrip afterwards*

second. alice didn't go to ministop. and the text messages.

tom: "nice naman dba? ako lang magisa dito sa ministop"

*trisha comes and runs to tom.* *TOM!* lafftrip due to tom's failed demonstration of how trisha reacted to seeing tom.

trisha: "nice naman dba, alice? kami lang ni tom nandito sa ministop"

i love you ministop.

third. the family :))

trisha: you forgot a letter, alice? tsktkstsk. no teacher.

tom: let's pretend to be relatives!

ACT I

tom and trisha: here are our permissions to go out sir. :)
guard: where's yours? *looks at alice*
alice: KUYA tom!
tom: di ka ba nagpasulat kay MOMMY

LAFFTRIP. brothers and sisters. nice :))

ACT II

tom and trisha: here are our permissions to go out sir. :)
guard: where's yours? *looks at alice*
alice: ahh. kasama po ako diyan.
guard: THEN WRITE YOUR NAME!
tom, trisha and alice snicker.
trisha: bakit ganun. pinayagan si ALICE lumabas ng MOMMY NI TOM!

and then we bought WATERMELON MENTOS: flavor of the year.

then there's my "irap incident"

and the drawings, the name calling, the "kamay" :)), and many more.

and you'd ask. where's mikha in this?!

well, she's kinda quiet but she was part of the fun!

happy happy day :) ^^

lots of luv,

=trisha=

i don't wanna fight anymore. no.

it's not my fault you blogged. but i think you might've gotten mad for what i did.

this is my blog for the day. because for once, it's not about me. it's about you.

the two of you.

kendra, leila.

especially you kendra. you changed. in a matter of days?

not now please? not when the schoolyear is about to end.

.just tell me. what's wrong with you.

'cause now for once, it's not about me.

=trisha=