i. love. you. sweet. depression.

could friendship really be a reason to ruin my christmas day?

2008-12-17T19:16:00.000-08:00

so the morning of the christmas part. not to mention the last day of going to school til the christmas break.

we have a party on the afternoon. i guess a day going online wouldn't be so bad?

oh but it was bad. so let's see.

talking to mr. x happy at first. then sad at the end?

how could a romance movie end up having such a bad ending?

it's like seeing a twist to romeo and juliet. romeo dies and juliet ends with paris.

better yet my twist is way way worse than that.

romeo tells juliet to like paris.

omfg. how could that happen?

i know. and it just gets worse.

could it? omfg. my life is so horrible.

after that, a friend of mine made the situation worse by becoming a backstabber?

nice friend. and you were supposed to be on my side. or even if you weren't at least nuetral. and you tell me it's my fault. wow. thanks for rubbing it in.

sad. sad. ending.

then of course, as every director wants. everything suddenly has a twist.

as i was writing this blog, he said sorry. romeo said sorry. how....twistful.

he said that everything should go back to normal. and that they were friends already. and that everything has been forgotten.

i doubt that things will ever be normal.

goodbye mr. x

if loving you is like an illness then i must be fatal

2008-11-29T00:24:00.000-08:00

so. as the week starts to end, i finally tell reese who mr. X.

and trisha is very problematic right now.

she has social issues as of the moment. and it feels like her world is just gonna crash down on her.

of course, there isn't any way that she could avoid this.

after all...being unfriendly to some people? or some person...is ver inevitable.

i mean. the party's over. sure. but for one thing, i've hurt them/him/her. haha. i won't tell.

so...i'm not sure how to approach them/him/her. maybe that person is mad. maybe irritated?

one thing's for sure. they knew it. and we were caught. uninvited.

--------------------

now, to ease the pain of every little thing crashing down on me. i look for mr. X

sure, sure. he's like i dunno. going steady? with the girl. i dunno. and i don't care. :)

all i know, he's happy and maybe i'm just waiting for the day they'll break up? >:)

evil, evil scheme. but true. waiting helps. and i'm not stopping now.

sure you'd think they might not break up but as the title suggests, i think i'm going fatal on this one...so....there's no point in stopping now.

plus, this is different from the jacob thing. is it stronger? i'm not sure. but all i know. i'm happy. :]

what if's were meant for those people who can't accept the present situation...unfortunately, i am one of them. :|

2008-11-26T04:53:00.000-08:00

i am a big fan of the what if question. and my what if is...

what if...last year had been different. what if i still had zack?

awful this year is i tell you. first, i lose zack.

next, i get this awful feeling that there's a weird guy in a my past. XD *will keep this very vague*

then, i get in a fight with these teenee bit of a people.

later on, i have to worry about a party i'm throwing.

next thing you know, everything falls apart.

i assure you. if i had zack, none of these would even matter. but as i realize that every little thing that i had has fallen apart, i crash down to pieces. 'cause the what if question has gotten to the very last of my nerves.

and oh yeah. i still love you. and no, that doesn't mean i don't like mr. X. and one more thing? yes, hate has gotten the better side of me..

i am civil. i am mannerly. just not friendly.

2008-11-26T04:05:00.000-08:00

well, when i become cold towards a person, i mean it. i have stopped blogging about such blasphemous and very very mean things. so i'll keep this post polite, mannerly and civil.

so one day, you have fun. then as time passes by. and that certain person keeps doing that very same thing that you hate. it gets annoying. as patient as i tried, it was hard to not feel mad about that.

so you know who you are. i know maybe you're not sure if you have offended me. to you it may be something so teenee bit small. but, i really got pissed. so stay away please?

and no. stop asking that question. 'cause you're no longer invited..

again. this is a general precaution. to as many people as i want. it's a vague description. :

dead stars. [is there a world where gardens of faded love bloom again? 'cause i wanna remember how it felt like when we were in love.]

2008-11-18T03:08:00.000-08:00

maybe i'm remembering zack too much these days. maybe missing him too much. maybe i've been too apart from mr. X that my wondering mind has given time to locked away thoughts.

the day i vowed to be the valedictorian, i put a safe refuge of his memory in my brain. somewhere deep down in there. where i won't remember him. at least for a year.

but somehow, when my mind lingers for too long. his memory escapes and i crumble to pieces again.

i read dead stars today. as a requirement for our english class. i was intrigued by the title. i was reading eclipse by the way and was bothered that i had to stop just to read this.

but as i kept reading, had i actually related to this short story? had i actually remembered my old life? when i was young and...free? when i was happy? when i was with zack. yes. that memory escaped once again and i struggled to keep reading the book without remembering zack's phone number. the last memory of him. before....goodbye.

so as i read. here are some lines that struck me.

"did you ever have to choose between something you wanted to do and something you had to do?"

"i--i have to say goodbye."

"but there is a point where a thing escapes us and rushes downward of its own weight, dragging us along. Then it is foolish to ask whether one will or will not, because it no longer depends on him."

"she had not changed much....yet--something had gone. he missed it."

"what had she lost? or was the loss his?"

"so that was all over."

"and now, mere actuality had robbed him of the dream."

"so all these years--since when? --he had been seeing the light of dead stars, long extinguished, yet seemingly still in their appointed places in the heavens."

this post is going to be REALLY LONG so for those who got tired. reading the quotes and stuff, this'll go pretty long 'cause as long as zack's memory lingers in my mind, there might be no end to this post. not much to go onto anyway so you may stop now. however, i will not stop blogging, though no one might read about what i remember from this romance found in such a simple story.

for those of you who decided to go on, here i go.

the story starts with a man who is engaged.i'll go for a summary. a part maybe wherein i can relate.

he suddenly falls in love with this girl. then she had to go. she said GOODBYE. a word that hurts too much. maybe if i said this word again to zack for the most casual of reasons, it might mean something different....

he followed the girl after a few years 'cause the girl went to her hometown. when he saw her again, she looked almost the same. a little different though. but there was something missing.

and the guy knew it. he was no longer in love with her.

the same way i feel about zack now. the time not spent with each other should've let the flame burn more. but no, i can no longer find the same light i saw in him before. i can no longer see the old zack before. my zack. the zack who made me happy. the zack who seemed like my personal sun. the first time the sun appears without any rain.

he was the only one who had ever made me feel this way. and it was longer than i thought it'd last. 2...3 years? not sure. and maybe i don't want to remember. it just hurts too much. i might let his memory loose for too long.

as i end this post. i want to emphasize.

is there a world where gardens of faded love bloom again? 'cause i wanna remember how it felt like when we were in love.

i really want to remember those days. even in just my dreams. 'cause now our love is like a dead star.

a day with tom, alice and mikha ^^

2008-11-15T03:35:00.000-08:00

so two of my favorite people to talk to are here: tom and alice

and of course, one of my friends from the other sections: mikha.

so today, we had a math training and i was with them. it was so fun just from the start.

first. the tricycle issue. so i have problems crossing the street :))

imagine a tricycle that is at a stop. then i was afraid to pass in front of it. i passed at the back and the driver laughed. tom, to save me from humiliation. just followed me. *lafftrip afterwards*

second. alice didn't go to ministop. and the text messages.

tom: "nice naman dba? ako lang magisa dito sa ministop"

*trisha comes and runs to tom.* *TOM!* lafftrip due to tom's failed demonstration of how trisha reacted to seeing tom.

trisha: "nice naman dba, alice? kami lang ni tom nandito sa ministop"

i love you ministop.

third. the family :))

trisha: you forgot a letter, alice? tsktkstsk. no teacher.

tom: let's pretend to be relatives!

ACT I

tom and trisha: here are our permissions to go out sir. :)
guard: where's yours? *looks at alice*
alice: KUYA tom!
tom: di ka ba nagpasulat kay MOMMY

LAFFTRIP. brothers and sisters. nice :))

ACT II

tom and trisha: here are our permissions to go out sir. :)
guard: where's yours? *looks at alice*
alice: ahh. kasama po ako diyan.
guard: THEN WRITE YOUR NAME!
tom, trisha and alice snicker.
trisha: bakit ganun. pinayagan si ALICE lumabas ng MOMMY NI TOM!

and then we bought WATERMELON MENTOS: flavor of the year.

then there's my "irap incident"

and the drawings, the name calling, the "kamay" :)), and many more.

and you'd ask. where's mikha in this?!

well, she's kinda quiet but she was part of the fun!

happy happy day :) ^^

lots of luv,

=trisha=

blog of the day.

2008-11-14T02:54:00.000-08:00

i don't wanna fight anymore. no.

it's not my fault you blogged. but i think you might've gotten mad for what i did.

this is my blog for the day. because for once, it's not about me. it's about you.

the two of you.

kendra, leila.

especially you kendra. you changed. in a matter of days?

not now please? not when the schoolyear is about to end.

.just tell me. what's wrong with you.

'cause now for once, it's not about me.

=trisha=

can't i have you back? oh, cruel destiny.

2008-11-14T01:28:00.000-08:00

i just remembered zack. lemme post some lyrics for you to understand.

I didn’t wanna say I’m sorry
For breaking us apart
I didn’t wanna say it was my fault
Even though I knew it was

I didn’t wanna call you back
Cause I knew that I was wrong
Yeah I knew, I was wrong

[CHORUS]
One in the same, never to change
Our love was beautiful
We got it all, destined to fall
Our love was tragical
Wanted to call, no need to fight
You know I wouldn’t lie
But tonight, we’ll leave it on the line

Listen baby, Never would’ve said forever
If we knew we'd end so fast
Why did you say I love you
If you knew that it wouldn’t last
Baby, I just can’t hear what you’re sayin
The line is breakin up
Or is that just us, or is that just us

[CHORUS]
One in the same, never to change
Our love was beautiful
We got it all, destined to fall
Our love was tragical Wanted to call, no need to fight
You know I wouldn’t lie
But tonight, we’ll leave it on the line

Try to call again, I get your mailbox
Like a letter left unread
Apologies are often open ended
But this one’s better left unsaid

[CHORUS]
One in the same, never to change
Our love was beautiful
We got it all, destined to fall
Our love was tragical
Wanted to call, no need to fight
You know I wouldn’t lie

But tonight, we’ll leave it on the line
We'll leave it on the line
Yeah, oh yeah
We’ll leave it on the line tonight

*highlighted parts. touch me the most.*

----

I didn’t wanna say I’m sorry
For breaking us apart
I didn’t wanna say it was my fault
Even though I knew it was

-i, really didn't want to say sorry. i never wanted to admit i was wrong. i didn't want him back. but deep down. i know it's my fault. people tell me it's my fault. i tell them HE broke my heart. but no. it's my fault

what would you feel? ignored all summer? all grade 6 schoolyear. i felt my reason unreasonable. i wanted honors. i didn't want distractions. was i being reasonable? was i? ...-

-----

I didn’t wanna call you back
Cause I knew that I was wrong

-i ignored all im's, everything. that's because. i knew i was wrong. i dunno. for some odd reason. i didn't want him back. or maybe. i just didn't want to admit i was wrong.-

-----

Our love was beautiful
destined to fall
Our love was tragical
But tonight, we’ll leave it on the line

-it was beautiful i must agree. i enjoyed his sweet self. he is naturally sweet i must say. he never forgot a single day that was important to me. valentines, my birthday, christmas. and i did so in turn.

it was beautiful. i must agree.

-destined to fall.

obviously. we were.

-our love was tragical

yes it was. look at me now! i'm a mess after he left. i never could find another that's just like him. he was the only guy to hold me that long. two years. two years. :

-----

Why did you say I love you
If you knew that it wouldn’t last
The line is breakin up
Or is that just us, or is that just us

-he did say "I love you" in person :] see how sweet he is :) haha. but i wonder. why he did. it'd end anyway. why'd he bother wasting my heart? why'd he bother wasting me? :

-obviously, the line wasn't breaking up. (always called or texted on my cellphone) it was just us.

----

Try to call again, I get your mailbox
Like a letter left unread
Apologies are often open ended
But this one’s better left unsaid

-he kept sending instant messages. all summer! all those freakin' summer days. he was my sweet lover? :)) teehee. haha. well. why'd i let go? i never knew why.

-and our apology is still left unsaid until now.

------

so i want you to listen now. i'm sorry okay? i am sorry. for everything. ignoring you in summer. hating you so desperately. being mean to you. no. i don't need you back. i just want you back. i know i'm so freakin' stupid saying this. saying sorry now. when you've moved on.

i haven't okay? i dunno what to do. now.

i'm sorry, zack. it was my fault. i know i sound desperate. i know i sound stupid. but still. sorry.

i know i can't have you back. i know i won't have you back.

i still miss who we were a few years back. but no i can't stay here forever. i have to move on. both of us without each other. but remember that i'll always love you. no matter what.

jacob is a gift from the gods.

2008-11-14T01:20:00.001-08:00

and yes. after knowing mr. X, talking to him almost everyday, missing him when he's not there, watching his name pop out of the messenger list, waiting for his every message to come, looking for him in school. after all of these. i still like jacob.

no. not like like. :)) haha. it won't be like before. never again.

that was the past. a well accepted past on both sides.

but. jacob is a gift from the gods. and like any other gift, he is treasured.

no. i have thought about it for some time. i am not mad at him. a single bit.

i once thought. it was his fault for breaking my heart. but no. it isn't.

it was just a teeny bit my fault :P

i knew i couldn't have him. why keep trying? :) i really. really. want to be his friend. but it has been hard ever since.

well, do you expect people ignoring each other for over a year to become instant best friends? after everything that's happened? no.

and that's what i realized.

and yes jacob. you are still a gift from the gods. i still love your warm smile. still miss your sweet joy. still miss who we were two years ago.

=trisha=

jason is love.

2008-11-12T02:07:00.000-08:00

must elaborate.

i don't want people to take this wrong but he is like my brother you know.

and jason is love. :)

as a friend and brother. i had fun today. so little time with him yet he made me happy.

:) not as happy as mr. X would have done but good enough to steer my thoughts away from my problems.

he makes me laugh and as reese would say, he's for entertainment.

so jason. yoh brother.

thanks. you made my day :)

oh and. thanks for talking to me again. :)

flattered.

2008-11-12T02:00:00.000-08:00

i'm flattered because of many events that have happened lately.

flattered because jason is love :) as a friend :).

after a long silence from him, it's good to finally have my friendship back. :)

numbah two.

flattered to know pseudo(spelling check ^^) emo guy has revealed something??

not sure 'bout this. i just had a source i could trust ^^ haha. noo. this is not flattering the least bit. but as requested by one of my confidantes, i'm must not be "masungit" or warfreak so i shall be kind and appreciate his revelations. haha. moving on.

i'm flattered to be featured in one of my confidante's blog! :) so flattered. thank you! it's an honor to be there :) teehee.

next, i'm flattered because mr. X told me something that was flattering. no details shall be given. for his identity's privacy :)

i'm so flattered today.

lastly, i'm flattered to know that my other confidante, cares about me...aww. :)

nice ;)

so. here my post ends.

ps. nice shirt mr. X XD

bestie :]

2008-11-11T02:07:00.000-08:00

so today. i saw mr. X XD

so i can't say much or it'll get obvious. all i can say is. some people have already uncovered the truth about mr. X.

well, i can't say i'm sorry for revealing the truth. i'm just happy that finally i have some people i can tell about my sweet little guy bestie.

hope we'll always be friends. always.

and for those who know, please don't tell. :)

i trust you. :)

teehee.

okay then. that's it.

=trisha=

oh. and i'm sorry.

2008-11-09T01:10:00.000-08:00

jacob talks to me sometimes and i just ignore him.

i know. it's so mean right?

but if i let myself loose again. to talk to him. this will just make me like him again.

so to refrain from this? i...let go of him.

jacob. completely ignored by trisha. and it starts now.

i'm sorry.

sweet little guy best friend :)

2008-11-08T21:49:00.000-08:00

so lemme say a bit more about mr. X. the information i have given seems a little vague.

here goes.

mr. X is my guy best friend. i know i can talk to him about anything. from friends to guys to birthday plans :) haha. i know i can count on him to give me advice and understand.

sometimes, i wonder if i'd rather talk to him about everything i want to say rather than with my BFF's. it's not that i don't like sharing with my BFF's. it's just that, i feel more free and understood when i talk to him.

so talking with him makes me feel completely free of all the guilt i feel. it takes away all the fear in me and being with him must be the lightest feeling i've ever felt in three years.

he had me at hello. that's all i can say.

besides being a really good friend to me. he takes my breath away. i'm actually scared of talking to him in person at times. afraid that i would stutter. but i don't. seeing his smile lightens my mood.

though we have our teasing moments and our fights, i'm proud to say our longest fight has been for only five minutes XD

so guy bestie, i wish we'd always be friends. always.

i almost forgot you're my favorite person to see.

=trisha=

secret crush?

2008-11-01T17:07:00.000-07:00

okay. so what about jacob?!

trisha thought for a moment. why was she suddenly liking mr. X rather than jacob.

i mean. after what happened. how could she not like jacob?

trisha recently told jacob about his annoying attitude at times and that she thinks that maybe it is caused by some new friends. jacob was very understanding. he easily adjusted to what trisha asked for. some change. and that was a total turn on.

but....mr. X. why did you have to come in mah life? was trisha secretly crushing on you?

...lemme share a song.

should've said no by taylor swift.

my interpretation comes in many ways.

for zack.

a few years ago, you should've just said no. instead of saying yes through all these years. and now you leave me hanging. what about the friendship we had? all those memories? now tell me. was she worth it? was she worth this?

for jacob.

also a few years ago, why did you have to say yes. and leave me there. hanging. the same year. for her? then what happened? you broke up. and now. you don't have her. so was she worth it? was she worth the year i was secretly angry at you? was she worth the year i totally ignored you? was she worth our friendship? was she?

and for mr. X ^_^ :)) i have a different song for him....say it again by marie digby

i dunno. this song really doesn't fit. it goes like: say it again for me. 'cause i love the way it feels when you are telling me that i'm the only one that blows your mind. say it again for me. it's like the whole world stops to listen when you tell me you're in love.

okay. so maybe it doesn't fit totally. but, i feel fun and comfortable when i'm with mr. X :)
he's nice. and funny. yet, everyone knows who he likes. but somehow, i can't help but notice that i have this different way of getting along with him. achk. different.

hmmm. i'll leave it at this mr. X...i hope. we'll always be friends. always.

a. different. kind. of. day. :)

2008-10-29T03:35:00.000-07:00

so. today. is a different day.

we decided to order pizza for lunch.

and then i liked it. because it made me somewhat make up for whatever i have done to joe. well.

i guess it was sort of a get together. only it wasn't only me and my close friends.

it was with several other people who are just friends to me. but i realized. you can eat with them if you want.

you don't have to be close friends to enjoy each other's company. all you have to do is. well. enjoy. and go with the flow.

:)

so i was with dee, holly, juliet, reese, phem and alice. my close friends. and joe, jason, tom as the guys who joined in our little picnic. :D

we weren't that close. but who cares?! it's a pizza party. we all paid for the pizza and enjoyed our part.

later on, we had this crazy idea to all buy jelly tongue. we were all eating and all had red lips, teeth and tongues. it was totally. weird. but fun.

then i had a chat with the girls. with the occassional "commercials" of jason. later on, i didn't notice his presence we were talking about my upcoming birthday plans. :))

haha. jason was still there. and since he was quiet, that was really. unusual.

he was kinder today. i think :D

well. he was sort of. a different jason.

i totally forgave him already for what he did last monday.

and i guess the guys forgave me too :)

they still talk to me. so i guess it wasn't a big deal :D well. i hope it wasn't

and the day had gone. smoothly.

:D well. that's it for now. happy day :D

-trisha-

pissin' me. in the early mornin'

2008-10-27T05:33:00.001-07:00

so. i got really annoyed at the start of the class. first subject. when everybody. or so it seemed like. kept borrowing my things.

especially this group of guys ^_^

so these guys. we put our things in the table. next thing 'ya know. they're sitting there.

hey man! we were there first.

numbah two.

well. jason kinda borrows my stuff without asking. then returns mah paintbrush unwashed. :

next.

well. we kinda got the paint from the front of the class. and they are the ones using it. what are we? your slaves?

mah friends are kinda patient. but i wasn't. i was furious. especially since mah head was achin' real bad. :(

so. later on. even my best friends got me pissed. they do the same things. less serious, of course. everybody kept borrowing my stuff. even my plastic cup which i intended as a container. people wanted to put plaster in it. :

well. i was so mad that i looked like a warfreak. aw. i never meant it to be that way.

so for everyone that i hurt. please. so sorry.

will never happen again.

just don't piss me off so much again. k?

thanks. especially you. jason. tsktsktsk.

haha. well. friends? hope so. boys aren't supposed to be really mad right?

oh. please forgive me.

sorry. really.

as my beloved author, christie says ^_^: next time you cross me, i won't be as forgiving.

love you christie and your blog.

sorry kendra, juliet and leila. stop borrowing so much next time k?

and sorry. for not sleeping early enough. this wouldn't have happened if i didn't sleep late :P

tca. and lots of luv to mah patient friends.

pissin' me. in the early mornin'

2008-10-27T05:33:00.000-07:00

jacob. gets. mad.

2008-10-25T03:34:00.000-07:00

jacob. is. mad. at. me.

but why? i see no reason for it.

please. stop. getting mad at me.

i'm trying to avoid you already. okay? so that we can both rest in peace.

but for you to get mad. that's just too much. i fear i might not be able to bear it.

and if this goes on. these loud silence from you.

i fear. i might become insane.

i fear. i might. not be able. to. bear. your. absence.

tell me something. anything. that i don't know.

2008-10-24T06:10:00.000-07:00

and my sweet obsession for jacob. it was getting out of hand. i had to stop it.

this was painful. i knew that if i kept liking him the way i do, i would get myself hurt in the process. how many times do i have to repeat to myself? he. likes. tess. end it there. stop this sweet obsession.

but no, it doesn't work. i have to free myself from his dazzling grasp on my heart.

i. had. to. stop.

but before i do, i've set myself on a quest. i would miss him. that was a fact.

and i tried to keep a mental image of his face, his voice.

so for the very last time. i talked to him. in ym. and i swear. that i would never. ever. let myself loose to fall in love with him. again.

and so i wanted to know. something. anything. i didn't know. i just wanted him to say something. for the very last time.

trish.hearts: hey. jacob. tell me something. anything. that i don't know.
jacob_heartbreaker: /:) you mean like gossip?
trish.hearts: no. just tell me something :))
jacob_heartbreaker: *************** (whatever jacob said was sensored for his..erm privacy :)) )

it wasn't important though. he didn't realize the urgency of the situation. he talked casually.

and trisha realized. this would be. the very last time. she would ever hear his wonderful voice speaking her name. the last time she would see those eyes actually looking at her. and the last. time. the very last time.

she could fall in love for him.

so jacob seemed. different.

2008-10-24T04:02:00.000-07:00

thursday was uneventful as there was no blog post. besides the fact that i was very busy with a pile of homework in front of me as i got home, jacob was uneventful. he went about his business.
and i saw no point in blogging about it.

so since he is a bit. different. and uneventful. i'd like to share more in another life of trisha. her friends.

she had alice, holly, dee, kendra, leila, juliet, reese and phem.

some of them have been left unintroduced due to...jacob's inevitable beauty and ability to starstruck trisha.

she takes jacob's uneventfullness as an opportunity to introduce them.

first, alice.

alice was someone to whom she could share her secrets about jacob. in return, alice was the same. this was their common topic. and as it appeared to trisha. this topic about their "emotional side" was a topic in which both of them could trust each other about.

aside from that, alice could tell trisha anything about herself without hurting her. it was simple innocence. and that made her easy to get along with.

they talk about school. and they shared some common goals.

next, holly.

they've gotten into a misunderstanding lately but everything's fine now. though somewhat awkward, it'll come back.

trisha can feel it. for now, she settles for her pen tapping teacher and awed by her "playing the flute" abilities. she distracts her though :) a thing trisha would do just for fun. she enjoyed clicking the only button on the flute that she seemed to know the use for. holly didn't mind most of the time.

another friend would be dee.

by far, she was quiet. she's not they shy type. just reflective. she's fun to be with. she's popular.
trisha didn't take advantage of that. she just wanted to be with dee. when she could and when she wanted to. it didn't matter if she was popular or not. she was dee and she loved her for who she was.

next were kendra and leila.

kendra's fun especially with her "evil twin" since she's the "good twin" her evil twin was leila.
they're such a fun pair to be with. they gave trisha extreme laughtrips and her back-up group whenever her other friends turned their backs on her. she could always count on them.

they weren't the type to get into fights. no. they were just fun. and whenever trisha just wanted to get out to go to the mall or go somewhere, she could always count on these two. what a fun pair they were. :D

let's see. juliet.

of course, trisha's best friend.

by far, she was the kindest in trisha's perspective. you could just read in silence with her and still have fun. you could also have extreme "exercise trips"

she wasn't the complaining type so as a pair, they mostly followed what each other did. when they were a pair, none would leave the other as a loner. if the other one needs to go somewhere, well what do you expect? then the other one will follow.

she's underweightly strong. expected to open trisha's candy wrappers and very dependable. :D

so reese.

so. trisha's quite careful with her these days. she's kinda sensitive. but only to trisha according to herself. so she allows her. after all, all she could do was just to accept her.

she's funny and trisha's dance buddy. though trisha wasn't good in dancing. she just wanted to watch her dance and laugh at her. for no reason.

she's nuetral in misunderstandings so she's safe to tell your secrets too. she's kinda weird sometimes but nothing beats a good craziness once in a while. anyway, trisha's crazier XD

lastly, my good friend. phem.

phem was her most unpredictable friend. whose kind of relatable to. she's good in solving problems and she's the most unpredictable thing ever.

first, she'd do this. next thing you know, she's doing something else. she keeps doing the unexpected and trisha loved just sitting there and watching her do her thing.

after all, phem's one of a kind and trisha's glad to be her friend. she can be frank and secretive. either way, she's trisha's good friend. phem.

there you go. this long post now ends. well, i was just trying to make up for a post i wasn't able to put on a thursday. i need a blog post everyday you know :]

it's the pain you're causing me. that hurts.

2008-10-22T03:36:00.000-07:00

and so. i wonder...how this same event keeps hurting me. though in different ways.

it was the same subject. the same room. but a different pain.

yesterday, it cut through my heart to see him with kate. now, it was a different pain. though i'm not so sure what i felt.

so as i sat there in our classroom. we were told to practice. i was reluctant to stand up and go away from where he was. but as it was what we had to do. i stood up. and the warmth his presence has just escaped from me. it felt like i was standing somewhere really cold. alone.

sure, we don't talk much. but his mere presence seems to warm me up. he calms me down.

i entered the dance room. they were teaching a kendra and leila the steps. i sat down on a corner. and the pain shot through me like a bullet. i didn't recognize it at first. but as i did, i continued to fall down. slowly. and the pain continued to ease through me. another long hour. or pain. i wondered when i'll ever get used to this.

as i sat and tried to read my new moon, i completely recognized the pain i was feeling. emptiness.
:-<...yesterday, i was feeling pain due to his seemingly growing closeness with kate. maybe it was jealousy. i wasn't sure. then today, i was in pain because he wasn't there. to calm me down. i was. disappointed. not with him. with myself. i wasn't sure what i wanted anymore: his presence or his absence.

i decided to leave that question unanswered. well at least. for now. i didn't want another kind of pain to make me feel bad. something more like guilt.

as i tried to look happy for the rest of the practice. at first, it didn't work. the "sit on one corner and be alone" strategy was not working. so people were approaching me. thinking i was sad. i was strongly urged to breakdown and tell them what i feel. but i sat there. smiling politely at them. not wanting to hurt their feelings by ignoring them.

later on. i heard him playing the guitar. i was singing along. involuntarily. i didn't mean to. a sly grin spread along alice's face. i smiled along. it feels good to have someone to share your sweet obsession with. and alice was perfect. it's not that i don't like sharing this with juliet or my other friends. it just seemed like. alice was. different. she was more comforting in a way.

gradually, i got better in my "pretending game" my "being happy" was working. it worked until the rest of the day. until i got home. then when i was alone again. the "happiness" was wearing off.

i knew it wouldn't last that long. and as i thought of another week ending. i thought of another long weekend of not seeing him. and this is becoming my sweet obsession. and that was. very. very. stupid.

=trisha=

jacob=harry. (continuation of wordpress blog). stop distracting me. i want to be normal.

2008-10-21T03:42:00.000-07:00

note* jacob is the same as harry only in a different story
karen is the same as trisha only in a different story
so im playing trisha today

wordpress blog: http://mydrasticfallfortheperfectguy.wordpres.com

from the title itself. it was impossible to be normal if you like jacob. he was like a drug. and i was obsessed. not really obsessed 'cause i like him. i guess i fell in love with his mystery. not completely by himself. just his mystery. the mystery behind his frown and the sad eyes.

so...i was a dancer..(bummer :D..i just went out of the classroom and the next thing i knew, i was a dancer :)) ) and so...

we went to the dancing room. pancho...was..erm...different today. according to the other people and so he walked out. well, it sounds simple but. it's not. i don't get him nowadays. he is...sort of different. but what can i do? we are indifferent towards each other right now. it just wasn't the right time to confront him.

so people were looking for other possible candidates to replace....pancho. they saw jacob and kept chanting his name. it was infuriating after all my efforts of trying to ignore him.

....

jacob entered the dance room and approached kate. they huddled in a corner together and i tried as much as i may to concentrate on my partner. jason.

he was. fun.

some fun. we used to be fun. but he became awkward. as in awkward in a way we just suddenly ignored each other.

but i guess i could bear it. i think.

but jacob's voice was loud and clear in my head i just couldn't bear it.

they were instructing me to hug jason's leg. that was weird. but i kept glancing sideways at him. no one noticed anyhow and i pretended...or did i? ^_^ that i just can't hug jason's leg. i wanted so badly to get distracted from kate's reply. or jacob's voice or their seemingly small space apart from each other. i wanted my lungs to get some more air. but i seemed trapped in that room. with nothing to stare at but him. nothing to hear but his voice. and nothing to feel but pain.
...

i wanted so badly to stop trying to look like i was hugging jason's foot

now, pochola...who wants to be called reese.

jokingly offered to do it for me. the only response i could think of was...yes.

my voice felt oddly unfamiliar to me. it's as if i was only opening my mouth but another voice spoke for me.

they thought i was disappointed about the thought that jason won't be my partner no longer.

but all i wanted to do was get this practice over with and get as far away from jacob as possible.

well...that was impossible. his perfection created an invisible magnetic field between us. and avoiding him was much more than. impossible.

=trisa/karen=

do me a favor. and don't fake your smile.

2008-10-20T06:06:00.000-07:00

it pains karen to see harry fake smiling.

that perfect painful smile.

impeccable yet painful.

she hate-loves it. it was beautiful and pefect yet painful to know he doesn't mean it.

so dude, do me a favor and don't fake your smile. be sad if you need to. you're still that perfect guy i'm drastically falling for (or am i?)

just. please. do me. this favor. and don't. ever. fake your. smile again.

=karen=

i just had to close my eyes.

2008-10-20T05:16:00.000-07:00

after something that happened during pe time.

i was severely depressed.

rarely did this happen. but since it did. i had to endure it.

i was near to tears.

but these 4 amazing people.

they made me. laugh.

of all things to do. in a moment of sorrow. i laughed.

leila, kendra, juliet and pochola.

thanks :D

haha. i needed that one good laugh. and when juliet and pochola thought i was going to cry, i just didn't :))

it feels good once in a while to make mistakes. learn.

:D

take care. :D

=karen=

new blog means new story?

2008-10-20T05:05:00.001-07:00

nah.

i just made this to continue karen's story.

unfortunately, the other blog had technical problems.

three posts in the other blog about karen.

no biggy. wanna catch up?

http://unloved0023.blogspot.com

thanks :D

enjoy :D